As a child, I was told more than once that there was a “big” calling on my life. Growing up Roman Catholic, I thought that meant being a nun. No way was I going to be a nun.

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When I was 17, a Catholic priest forced a (fruitless) exorcism on me, sealing my exile from God and religion with extreme trauma, shame, fear, anger, and - worst of all - unforgiveness. 

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You can never really escape who God created you to be…but the enemy will do everything in his power to keep you from it.

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I didn’t want a big calling - I wanted to be an artist with a wild, gritty, worldly life - so I tried to run. I ran as far from God as I possibly could. And I got exactly what I wanted (I do not recommend).

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​Over the next 25 years I lost myself in the world, and I stumbled into New Age, spirituality, alternative medicine, and energy healing. The people from my childhood weren’t wrong: I had evident gifts, plus an inbuilt desire to help others. I spent 15 years as a spiritual mentor and healer. I could sense things, feel things, and bring relief where others couldn't. I didn't know where those gifts came from, or what they really were, but they were helping people, and that was all that mattered. In retrospect, I believe that God was speaking my language until I learned how to speak His.​

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In 2018, something started to feel off. I began to play with the idea of stepping into the unknown of nothingness.

Who was I if I wasn't a helper?

 

Chronic illness (Lyme disease), spurred on by a nervous breakdown, answered that for me by forcing me to close my doors for good. I told myself it was coincidental that I got sick while helping sick people, but deep down I knew it was related to my work and the life I had been living. I promised myself I would turn my pain into purpose...once I figured out what went wrong. This is when the Lord began to teach me His language.

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"What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing." Luke 15:4

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I was the one sheep.

 

In 2024, I had a terrifying experience with evil. Something that reshaped everything I thought I knew and believed in. Because of this, I could no longer live in a world where God was not at the center. I profoundly understood that a life without God at the center was one of torment, abuse, struggle, fear, and unrelenting pain. A life with the absence of hope and love.

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I could no longer be lukewarm. I lay myself at the feet of Jesus and begged Him for help. Who answered was not the God I'd feared as a child, but rather the God who knows me, who loves me, who wants to heal me, and who created me with a unique purpose for His Kingdom. He lay me on his shoulders, and carried me back to where I belonged.

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"Joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need to repentance." Luke 15:7

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Finally, I understood: the gifts were never mine. And I am not designed to use them with my own might. I am a broken, earthen vessel that God has called to bring others to Him, so that they can receive freedom from Him.

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I surrender myself to what God had planned for me long before I was knit in my mother’s womb. The ministry I am called to bring to life. Presence, inner healing, and deliverance, for the glory of God alone. I remain in deep, committed discipleship, both with a personal mentor and pursuing trainings with the most anointed in this field of ministry.

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What the enemy meant to use against me - the exorcism, the fear, the years of running - God has turned into the very ground I now stand on to glorify His Kingdom.

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"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony." Revelation 12:11